Thursday, January 28, 2010
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Top Ten Suggestions
|1. Become emotionally literate. Label your feelings, rather than labeling people or situations.||Use three word sentences beginning with "I feel". |
Start labeling feelings; stop labeling people & situations
"I feel impatient." vs "This is ridiculous." I feel hurt and bitter". vs. "You are an insensitive jerk."
"I feel afraid." vs. "You are driving like an idiot."
|2. Distinguish between thoughts and feelings.||Thoughts: I feel like...& I feel as if.... & I feel that |
Feelings: I feel: (feeling word)
|3. Take more responsibility for your feelings.||"I feel jealous." vs. "You are making me jealous." |
Analyze your own feelings rather than the action or motives of other people. Let your feelings help you identify your unmet emotional needs.
|4. Use your feelings to help make decisions||"How will I feel if I do this?" "How will I feel if I don't?" |
"How do I feel?" "What would help me feel better?"
Ask others "How do you feel?" and "What would help you feel better?"
|5. Use feelings to set and achieve goals||- Set feeling goals. Think about how you want to feel or how you want others to feel. (your employees, your clients, your students, your children, your partner) |
- Get feedback and track progress towards the feeling goals by periodically measuring feelings from 0-10. For example, ask clients, students, teenagers how much they feel respected from 0 to 10.
|6. Feel energized, not angry.||Use what others call "anger" to help feel energized to take productive action.|
|7. Validate other people's feelings.||Show empathy, understanding, and acceptance of other people's feelings.|
|8. Use feelings to help show respect for others.||How will you feel if I do this? How will you feel if I don't? Then listen and take their feelings into consideration.|
|9. Don't advise, command, control, criticize, judge or lecture to others.||Instead, try to just listen with empathy and non-judgment.|
|10. Avoid people who invalidate you.||While this is not always possible, at least try to spend less time with them, or try not to let them have psychological power over you.|
- Ask others how they feel -- on scale of 0-10
- Make time to reflect on your feelings
- Identify your fears and desires
- Identify your UEN's (Unmet Emotional Needs)
- Express your feelings - find out who listens, understands, validates you and cares.
- Develop the courage and self-confidence to follow your own feelings
- Work on managing your negative feelings
- See the list of feeling words to practice improving your emotional literacy
Useful Things to Remember
- Your "negative" feelings are expressions of your unmet emotional needs (UEN's)
- Each negative feeling has a positive value
- Awareness of your feelings increases self-knowledge. Self-knowledge aids self-improvement.
- Actions and behavior are motivated by feelings. We can often choose how we respond to an emotion. Remembering this helps us feel in control, which is empowering. Taking responsibility for meeting our own needs is also empowering.
Ask: why something bothers you.
Look at the relationship between your unmet emotional needs, your childhood, and your beliefs.
Consider the possibility that some of your beliefs might be dysfunctional and remember that beliefs can be changed.
Remember that accepting responsibility helps release resentment.
Re-frame the situation as an opportunity for personal growth.
Change some of your demands and expectations into preferences to make them less emotionally powerful and addictive.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
The cycle of day and night [is] the essence of life and death.
The cycle of day and night is a two-colored thread of silk
with which the being weaves its attire of traits.
The cycle of day and night [is] the lamentation of the musical-instrument of the origin
through which the being shows the vicissitudes of possibilities.
It tries you, it tries me;
the cycle of day and night is the examiner of the cosmos.
If you're impure, if I'm impure
[then] it leads to your funeral procession, it leads to my funeral procession.
What else is the truth of your days and nights;
a surge of the time sans day and night.
All the marvels of the skills are transient;
the existence of world is ephemeral! The existence of world is ephemeral!
[The fate of] the beginning and the end is death, [the fate of] the unseen and apparent is death.
Be it an antiquated imprint or the latest one, its last destination is death.
Yet there exists a hue of eternity in this imprint;
the one that has been completed by some man of God.
The actions of the man of God get accelerated with [the help of] love.
The essence of life is love; death is forbidden for it.
hough the gush of the time is intense and fast
love itself is a tempest that restrains [other] tempests.
In the calendar of love, besides the contemporary age,
|there're other ages too that don't have names.
Love is the mainstay of Gabriel, love is the heart of Mustafa.
Love is the Messenger of God, love is the message of God.
The flower looks dazzling because of the intoxication of love.
Love is the undiluted wine, love is the wine-cup of a munificent drinker.
Love is the jurist of the Shariat, love is the commander of the army.
Love is the traveler because of which it passes through thousands of stages.
The lifeline streams out of the plectrum of love.
The radiance of life is due to love; the fire of life is because of love.
O Mosque of Cordoba! Your existence [too] is because of love.
Love is infinite time that's beyond the cycle of transient time.
Be it painting, architecture, music poetry or calligraphy,
all these arts thrive on the intensity of love!
The intensity of love turns a stone into a heart
[and] it's love that bestows depth of feeling, exhilaration and melody to the voice.
Your environ is charming, my songs are poignant;
you make the hearts bow before God, I make the hearts capacious.
The bosom of man isn't inferior to the empyrean throne of God
though his body is made of earth and is mortal.
Though the angels [also] prostrate before God
but their prostration lacks poignancy.
[Though] I'm an infidel from India, behold my earnestness
[that] my heart prays benison for the Prophet, my lips do the same.
The zeal is in my tune, the zeal is in my flute;
the hymn of God is in my essence.
Your grandeur and beauty manifests the man of God;
he too is eminent and handsome, you too are eminent and handsome.
Your foundation is stable, you've countless pillars
[which look like] the rows of palm trees in the oasis of Syria.
The radiance of Sinai valley is spread over your nooks and corners;
this tall minaret of yours is the place of manifestation for Gabriel.
The pious Muslim can never be eliminated, for
his calls for prayers reveal the mysteries of Moses and Abraham.
His land is limitless, his sky is boundless;
the surge of his sea is spread over Tigris, Danube and Nile.
His reigns have been awe-inspiring, his tales have been extraordinary;
it was he who commanded the antiquated epoch to perish.
He's the cupbearer to those who have taste, he's the cavalier of the field of passion;
his wine is pure, his sword is of high trait.
He's the soldier whose armor is [the belief in] one God;
under the shadow of swords his refuge is [the belief in] one God.
Through you the mysteries of the pious Muslim,
the warmth of his days, the poignancy of his nights,
his lofty position, his exalted thoughts,
his exhilaration, his passion, his humility, his dalliance, have been revealed.
The hand of God is the hand of the pious Muslim,
which is triumphant, effectual, resourceful [and] skillful.
[He possesses] the traits of both man and angel and the attributes of the Lord;
his heart, though carefree, is richer than the two worlds.
His expectations are few, his objectives are sublime;
his style is irresistible, his sight is captivating.
[He's] soft while conversing, passionate while in action;
be it the battlefield or a social gathering [he's always] pious and orderly.
His faith is the focal point of Truth
and the rest of the cosmos is illusion, sorcery and unreal.
He's the destination of reason, he is the output of love;
he's is the warmth of the assemblage in the circuit of cosmos.
You're the Mecca of the designers, the apostle of the grandeur of Islam;
by virtue of you, the land of Spain has become as hallowed as that of Mecca.
If any other model, as exquisite as you, exists in this world
it is in the heart of a Muslim and nowhere else.
Alas! Those men of Truth! Those Arab cavaliers!
The possessors of 'inspiring character', the followers of truth and faith;
their rule has revealed this simple mystery
that the State ruled by the faithful is pro-poor, not monarchical;
their insights have trained the East and the West;
their reasoning was the guiding force in the darkness of Europe.
It is because of their blood that, even today, the Spanish people
are friendly, hospitable, simple and handsome.
In this country, even now, [people's eyes] look like those of gazelle
and, even today, the arrows of their sights are enchanting.
The aroma of Yemen, even today, is mixed in its winds;
the tunes of Hejaz, even now, are fused in its songs.
In the eyes of the faithful your land's estimation is equal to that of sky.
Alas! Your environ has not heard the call for prayer for centuries.
In which vale, at what destination,
the strong caravan of the zealous lovers [of God] got stuck up.
Germany has witnessed the Reformation
that has erased all the imprints of antiquated faith;
because of which the piety of the Pope has become an erroneous term
and the subtle ferry of reason sailed on its course.
France too has experienced the Revolution
that has changed the world of the Westerners.
The Roman nation that has been submerged in retrogressive culture
has, once again, become powerful because of the new ideas.
The soul of the Muslim nation too is experiencing similar unrest;
what lies ahead is a mystery of God that I can't reveal.
Wait and see what spurts out of the seabed;
the blue dome [of sky] changes to what colour.
In the vale, surrounded by the mountain range, the cloud is swallowed up by the redness;
the sun has set leaving behind the mounds of rubies from Badakhshan.
The song of the farmer's daughter is simple and poignant;
youth is like a tempest to the vessel of heart.
O stream of Kabeer! On your bank
someone is perceiving the dream of some other age.
[Though] the coming world is still covered with the curtain of destiny,
before my eyes its beginning is uncovered.
If I remove the curtains from the face of the [future] thoughts
the Western people won't face up to my songs.
The life that has no place for revolution is death
[for] the spirit of the nation lies in struggle and revolution.
The nation, which takes stock of its actions in each age,
develops into a sword in the hand of death.
All the imprints are incomplete in the absence of love and endeavor;
melody is like a crude insanity in the absence of love and endeavor
Saturday, July 11, 2009
What do you see when you look at me
Do you see someone limited, or someone free
All some people can do is just look and stare
Simply because they can't see my hair
Others think I am controlled and uneducated
They think that I am limited and un-liberated
They are so thankful that they are not me
Because they would like to remain 'free'
Well free isn't exactly the word I would've used
Describing women who are cheated on and abused
They think that I do not have opinions or voice
They think that being hooded isn't my choice
They think that the hood makes me look caged
That my husband or dad are totally outraged
All they can do is look at me in fear
And in my eye there is a tear
Not because I have been stared at or made fun of
But because people are ignoring the One up above
On the day of judgment they will be the fools
Because they were too ashamed to play by their own rules
Maybe the guys won't think I am a cutie
But at least I am filled with more inner beauty
See I have declined from being a guy's toy
Because I won't let myself be controlled by a boy
Real men are able to appreciate my mind
And aren't busy looking at my behind
Hooded girls are the ones really helping the Muslim cause
The role that we play definitely deserves applause
I will be recognized because I am smart and bright
And because some people are inspired by my sight
The smart ones are attracted by my tranquility
In the back of their mind they wish they were me
We have the strength to do what we think is right
Even if it means putting up a life long fight
You see we are not controlled by a mini skirt and tight shirt
We are given only respect, and never treated like dirt
So you see, we are the ones that are free and liberated
We are not the ones that are sexually terrorized and violated
We are the ones that are free and pure
We're free of STD's that have no cure
So when people ask you how you feel about the hood
Just sum it up by saying, 'Baby its all good'